A Hope of Parenthood

It's amazing how quickly children can become your complete focus even if they're not actually born of you.

My husband and I have decided to adopt. We haven't reached this decision quickly, though most of our friends and family think we're being rash. Though we have not, as of yet, been able to have children the old fashioned way, adoption has always been a part of our plan.

We hear things constantly like: "Don't you want to have your own?" "You're so lucky to not have children, it leaves you the ability to do other things and save money," and my all time favorite, "I know someone who's a friend of a cousin's barber's nephew (and so on) that couldn't have children and as soon as they adopted they got pregnant right away." Usually that one has a slight variation of, "I know....... and they finally decided to adopt and they went to ___________ (fill this blank with your interchangeable country, county, state or other various new fad orphanage) and came back with a baby right away. It seemed pretty simple for them, so maybe it will be for you, too."

Either of these statements is quickly followed by the sentiment... "You know all you need to do is relax, stop stressing about it and it will happen."

The truth is that I'm not really stressed about getting pregnant. I have always wanted to adopt. If there is any stress involved it's simply from the fact that I want to have children, however they may come to me, and adoption is a long, tough road.

I wish I could say that, just like any other parent, I will decide to adopt and within 9 months I will have a new sleepless and baby filled life. It simply doesn't work that way. 

 Some facts of adoption that most don't know:

• Adoption is expensive. Most people don't start out saving money for this process and therefore is often does not go as quickly as some "friend of friend's" went because it is so costly. The average domestic adoption will cost $0-$20,000 and sometimes upwards of $30,000. The low end of this spectrum ($0-$10,000) is more than likely for an adoption of a severely disabled child, extreme cases of special needs children, or older child(ren) in the foster care system. Many times these lower costs are associated with adopting large sibling groups.
• International adoption is expensive too. Although the process internationally is much more streamlined than the states and tends to have less bumps in the road, the process will generally cost between $15,000-$30,000.
• Its a long wait. The process from application (yes you have to apply to adopt and not everyone is accepted) to finalization generally takes anywhere from 12 months to 48 months depending on the type of adoption.
• There are limits. Depending on on the state, county, or country there are guidelines for age, marital status, previous divorce status, difference in age, home ownership, pets in the home, other children in the home and income for the adoptive family.
• There are lots of tests and evaluations for your health, psychological well being, marital health and home. The basis of your ability to adopt is determined by these extensive evaluations.

To say the least we have thought about this a lot. As I said, it's amazing how quickly children can become your entire focus without even being born of you. As I begin this journey to bring a little one into my home and life I will struggle to enjoy the little moments. The excitement of preparing a room. Of sharing the knowledge of my plans with my friends and family. Of anticipating the joys, trials, excitement, frustration and astonishment of new parenthood. Most of all I will choose to stay calm and write about my journey.