Lessons

A funny thing happens when you are either trying to conceive or, like myself, trying to adopt. You start to see babies EVERYWHERE. It may seem like I'm diminishing things, but I think it's somewhat akin to the moment you decide to buy a blue.... (insert make and model of car here). You make that decision and it's like wherever you go, every freeway, driveway or parking lot is full of that darn car. Dealerships are everywhere and that one desire seems to be front and center being showcased everywhere you go.  

Sometimes it's hard to see these babies, mothers, children, children's stores, and pregnant women everywhere you go. It creates a sense of need that seems to be bred into women. A deep longing that is almost indescribable.

Rather than succumb to the various bouts of self-pity, tantrums and otherwise general pouting I could lend myself to, I'd rather make a decision. I'm going to make it my goal to learn from the abundance of mommy knowledge I have around me. I want to take this opportunity to see the things that I have a bright new focus on and learn new and exciting things. Who knows? Maybe it will come in handy some day.....

Lessons for today:

#1 Parenting is best done proactively. The more you can tire your children out with play, imagination and exploration, the less difficult down times are. Play them into the ground and you'll rarely have trouble with bedtimes. 

#2 Enjoy the little moments. Children grow so quickly and it is so easy to miss the little moments. Sometimes the moments that make you frustrated and angry will eventually be the moments you laugh and share for generations. Take the time to remember and enjoy them. There will never be a time when you say a moment wasn't worth remembering.

#3 Children are little people with astoundingly good memories and perception. Be careful of what you present in their lives. Someday you may see evidence of that presentation in a way you never expected. Be mindful of the way the decisions you make affect others and remember that, even though these little people may not seem to take everything in, they really see the whole world with a clarity that many of us lose over time. They are extremely vulnerable to the influences around them.

What lessons do you learn from the people and things around you?

Spring is Here!

I can tell you that living in this small mountain town for four years has definitely been an adventure. I'm much more of a city mouse so living in a very small community like this is often a learning experience. One of the things I have had to learn a lot about the last four years is living where it snows.

"Adventures" like:

How to drive with snow blowing so fast at your windshield it looks like your on the Starship Enterprise in warp speed.

How to drive with your door open and your head hanging out so you can look at the road lines in the heavy fog 6,000 above sea level on the edge of a cliff. 

Scraping the ice off your windshield with nothing but a spatula, because your ice scraper (yes, they make actual contraptions for this) broke last winter and you really thought snow wasn't going to hit this early in the season.

Finding out you really can live on one packet of top ramen, two eggs, some butter, a single pickle and one butt end of bread for three days when you are literally snowed in. (translation: snow is COVERING your door, there's no physical way out)

Finding out you can get so desperate to eat anything other than aforementioned meal that you really can consider jumping off your second story balcony to walk into town.

(apparently this photo isn't dramatic enough to google when set in the middle of a forest)

Despite what I claimed in the early years of my courtship with my wonderful husband, I have realized I truly can get tired of being trapped in a snowstorm with him for months on end. (I assume the same would apply to my claims in regards to isolated tropical islands)

To say the least Winter is a struggle for me. Ours isn't even that extreme, but really, it gets old quickly. 

I am more than ready,

exuberant,

ecstatic,

overjoyed,

delighted,

thrilled,

elated,

and any other version of the feeling that you can come up with, that Spring is finally here! I can't tell you how much more these long winters just make me appreciate the other seasons so much more than I ever used to. 

So here are some photos I've taken this week of Spring in action. I'm just so happy that I had to share.

This is the first tree to bloom right outside my office. It made me so happy the other day when I saw it!

We have Daffodils all over the mountain that bloom like wildflowers.

This one was right outside my office too.

This is the view from my office window. I love it when it's sunny and warm and I can feel the breeze off the lake.

I love these flowers. My mom always grew them in her yard so they remind me of home whenever I see them.

This is in my neigbor's yard. It looks so fragile and dainty.

This is the flower on the vines that grow wild in my front yard. This vine grows like a weed up here, but at least it has pretty flowers!

Hope everyone has a great weekend and enjoys the sunshine! I know I will!

Mixed Up Family

People sometimes ask me why I feel so strongly about adoption. My desires to adopt have come from a very personal place in my life. My family is very mixed up.... I don't mean in a bad way (OK, I think every family has a little crazy in it) but just in a way that we come from all over the place. Here's a little rundown of my family so that when I talk about wanting to adopt you know where it's coming from.

My biological father and mother found out she was pregnant when my mom was  merely 17 years old. They got married and welcomed my brother and sister into this world on August 6th, 1969 (yes, they're twins). My mom then settled into motherhood and attempted, unsuccessfully, to have more children for 14 years. I was the "surprise" that came almost exactly 14 years after the birth of my brother and sister.

This is my biological sister and me.

My parents were then divorced when I was three years old. My brother and sister were 17 and on their way out into the world. My father was rarely around from that point on and when he was there he was generally just a terrible person and influence. After the divorce my mom moved us to another home on a cul-de-sac where there were tons of children who played together outside until the last shred of light held on and everyone would skid into the front door as the street lights came on. It was a much needed change from our life with my father.

Bob, Wayne, Carrie, and Janice

Next door to that house lived a family who would later become an integral part of our lives. Bob and Janice were the married unit of my familial dreams. They had adopted Carrie from Korea and Wayne from San Diego. Wayne was only a year and a half older than me and quickly became my best friend. As time progressed and Wayne and I spent more and more time together, I slowly insinuated myself into their home. I was there just as much as I was at my own home. Bob saw how much my mom was struggling to be a mother, father and provider for me all at once. He realized the fatherly void in my life and rushed to fill it. 

Late night tantrums... He was there.

Early morning nightmares... He was there.

School performances, report cards, skinned knees, story time.... He was there for all that too.

As you can see I was a fighter by nature... there were a lot of tantrums.

Bob simply had a gift for being a dad. I truly believe that is why he and Janice were never able to have children of their own. They were put on this Earth to parent other people's children.

Bob became "Dad" and Janice became a step-mom of sorts. Bob, Janice and my mom filled every need I had from a family, we just lived in separate houses. Early in the morning my mom would get ready for work and carry my tired, limp body over to Bob and Janice's. Janice would then get me up and ready for school. At night my mom and Bob would tuck me in. It was sort of a village effort to raise me. 

There were times when I felt a lot of yearning for my biological father and a need for his love, attention and acceptance, but as I grew older I learned that family isn't always the people that you were born with but rather the ones that God blesses your life with.

Brother, Mom, Me, Donny, Bob, Sister

Bob is the person that stood proudly at my graduation and cheered me on. He is the man my husband went to when he asked for my hand in marriage and the man that walked me down the aisle. He has comforted me, scolded me and been there when the man that was given me, wasn't. He is the man I call, "Dad." 

Dad and me on my wedding day

To this day I know that "adoption" means to be chosen. It means someone loving you, caring for you and committing their life to raising you because they choose to.
That's why I want to adopt a child.

Drink It In

I have a new goal. Inspired by a few of my friends who are amazingly wonderful mommies, wives, friends, and, most importantly, fantastic "do-it-allers" I am trying to take notice and enjoy more of the little things in life.

I know I am a fairly busy woman, but the fact is that I take way too many moments for granted. I don't pause enough to take in the moments that are so important and deserving of my attention. So I recently made it my goal to pause, take notice of the world around me and drink it all in.

So today on my way home from work I forced myself to look around a bit more. I was definitely rewarded for my attention. I live in the mountains and today I was blessed with one of my favorite sights up here. I just normally tend to pass it by realizing that I live up here, and I know I'll have the chance to see it again.

Today I took the time to stop. I've been carrying my camera around a lot more just so I can catch these little moments as I see them.

This is what I saw....

As people "down the hill" as we call it, were more than likely having a gloomy, cloud-covered day, I got to see the other side.  

I love this sight. It always looks as if you could leap right off the mountain and land on this pillow of clouds.

I hope you enjoyed this sight as much as I did. It certainly made my day.

A Hope of Parenthood

It's amazing how quickly children can become your complete focus even if they're not actually born of you.

My husband and I have decided to adopt. We haven't reached this decision quickly, though most of our friends and family think we're being rash. Though we have not, as of yet, been able to have children the old fashioned way, adoption has always been a part of our plan.

We hear things constantly like: "Don't you want to have your own?" "You're so lucky to not have children, it leaves you the ability to do other things and save money," and my all time favorite, "I know someone who's a friend of a cousin's barber's nephew (and so on) that couldn't have children and as soon as they adopted they got pregnant right away." Usually that one has a slight variation of, "I know....... and they finally decided to adopt and they went to ___________ (fill this blank with your interchangeable country, county, state or other various new fad orphanage) and came back with a baby right away. It seemed pretty simple for them, so maybe it will be for you, too."

Either of these statements is quickly followed by the sentiment... "You know all you need to do is relax, stop stressing about it and it will happen."

The truth is that I'm not really stressed about getting pregnant. I have always wanted to adopt. If there is any stress involved it's simply from the fact that I want to have children, however they may come to me, and adoption is a long, tough road.

I wish I could say that, just like any other parent, I will decide to adopt and within 9 months I will have a new sleepless and baby filled life. It simply doesn't work that way. 

 Some facts of adoption that most don't know:

• Adoption is expensive. Most people don't start out saving money for this process and therefore is often does not go as quickly as some "friend of friend's" went because it is so costly. The average domestic adoption will cost $0-$20,000 and sometimes upwards of $30,000. The low end of this spectrum ($0-$10,000) is more than likely for an adoption of a severely disabled child, extreme cases of special needs children, or older child(ren) in the foster care system. Many times these lower costs are associated with adopting large sibling groups.
• International adoption is expensive too. Although the process internationally is much more streamlined than the states and tends to have less bumps in the road, the process will generally cost between $15,000-$30,000.
• Its a long wait. The process from application (yes you have to apply to adopt and not everyone is accepted) to finalization generally takes anywhere from 12 months to 48 months depending on the type of adoption.
• There are limits. Depending on on the state, county, or country there are guidelines for age, marital status, previous divorce status, difference in age, home ownership, pets in the home, other children in the home and income for the adoptive family.
• There are lots of tests and evaluations for your health, psychological well being, marital health and home. The basis of your ability to adopt is determined by these extensive evaluations.

To say the least we have thought about this a lot. As I said, it's amazing how quickly children can become your entire focus without even being born of you. As I begin this journey to bring a little one into my home and life I will struggle to enjoy the little moments. The excitement of preparing a room. Of sharing the knowledge of my plans with my friends and family. Of anticipating the joys, trials, excitement, frustration and astonishment of new parenthood. Most of all I will choose to stay calm and write about my journey.

Anniversary Fun!

Here I sit, with a wonderful glass of sauvignon blanc, and I am finally beginning to relax. Unfortunately, this relaxation has come just a couple days after the expectation of a wonderfully relaxing anniversary weekend with my wonderful husband of four years.

Why, you ask? It seems that my wonderful husband and I are cursed with an existence of a life of vacations doomed to fail. The first three years of celebrations went as follows:

Honeymoon- A gorgeous week long, all-inclusive trip to Jamaica. Nothing can go wrong there, right? Until you're dressed for your hometown with current 25 degree weather and you're stuck in a Caribbean paradise with only the clothes on your back because all of your luggage has been lost on the flight over.

Year 1- Moments before boarding our very first cruise advenure we received news of our beloved Gramma Sally's diagnoses of pancreatic cancer.

Year 2- To say the least the year was a difficult one. We were celebrating our second anniversary with an official separation.

Year 3- We were back on track! Marriage has survived the tumultous newlywed years and we have high hopes for a fantastic anniversary celebration..... until a couple days before when the hubby slips on a freak patch of ice, rolls and totals the vehicle. You can see where this has begun to create a pattern.

I can't describe in words how ready we were for a simple, enjoyable, long weekend at the beach. We booked our package stay at the La Jolla Cove Suites with included bike tour, snorkeling and kayak tour and trip to Sea World. The expectation above all else? To simply enjoy a weekend being together while we escaped the daily stress of our crazy, work-filled lives.

Cut to day one of our trip. Spirits are high! We are ready for this wonderfully relaxing experience. We are driving south on the 15 fwy towards our first stop to meet friends at the San Diego Wild Animal Park.... and our car is now... you guessed it... Stalling. It is stalling. On the 15 freeway on the way to our darn RELAXING anniversary weekend.

So I calmly pull over and struggle, "will" if you must, the car to just 20 feet away from the Arco off of Deer Springs Rd in Escondido. We then proceed to go through the rigmarole of calling a tow truck, having aforesaid vehicle towed to the nearest dealership, transferring money from three different accounts for the emergency and finding our way to the nearest Enterprise Rent-a-Car for our new transportation for the weekend. The first day of our relaxing weekend is now shot and the service advisor from the dealership is telling us that the most likely scenario is that the transmission will need to be replaced and the repair will cost us an astounding $4500 and three days to fix. That's right, I said it, $4500. 

At this point we are in a state of sheer frustration, shock and dismay. All we wanted was a nice relaxing weekend. Is that too much to ask!? In spite of the frustration we trudge to our hotel and determine to continue with the vacation. We were stuck there anyway, right? 

After a night of sleep we awoke ready for our second day of adventure, ready for biking fun, snorkeling and kayaking in spite of day one's disasters. However, we quickly realized that amidst the chaos of the previous day we had not had a chance to check in for our scheduled tours within the required 24 hour advance notice time table. Due to the previous day's car shenanigans our second day was shot. No tours. No bikes. No snorkeling or kayak fun.

In that moment I cannot explain the frustration level that the first four years of vacation hell had brought me to. I am ashamed to say we began to argue and take the situation out on one another. It's amazing how quickly a couple day's frustration can begin to escalate to a major all out brawl with the one you love on such a sacred day as your anniversary. At that moment when our vacation seemed doomed and our tempers simply exploded, I received a phone call...

A very calm voice of a very nice service advisor from the car dealership currently housing our car was calling to inform me that they had located the issue. The gas gauge was broken. We had simply run out of gas.

A scant 20 feet from the gas station where we had intended to stop for gas with a quarter of a tank remaining. 

20 feet. 

I have never, in my life, felt such a sense of relief and sheer frustration combined into one feeling such as that moment. 

My lesson of the day. Don't sweat the small stuff. Even if it seems like the four year, $4500, doomed life of vacations, big stuff. 

 You'll just feel ridiculous in the end.

Here Goes!

Please be patient with me. This is my first attempt at writing a blog.
With that little disclaimer out of the way, I'll get down to business. Everyone I've talked to about this little project of mine has said, "It's just like writing a journal entry." I know that's not really true because I, for one, never show anyone my journal. I've kept a journal on and off for the majority of my life. I tend to write a bit more when I've got a lot of chaos in my life. It always seems that when there's a lot going on writing helps me get things concentrated somewhere other than whizzing around in my brain.  I don't really think that's the way to approach a blog either. I wouldn't want to read someone else chaotic scribbles of thoughts rushing through their head. So why would someone want to read mine?
So here's my layman's view of how this is going to go down. I'll approach this the way I seem to approach everything else in my life, with quite a bit of humor, honesty and rebellion. I'll also approach this with a huge dose of heart. It may be a Cajun blackened heart, and may be a fresh, raw and beating one, but it'll be heart nonetheless.... and let's all hope that whatever is bred out of that becomes something that someone else will want to read.